This is not a rant, nothing extraordinarily dumb happened today (aside from Aubrey asking what city the White Sox are from, I am not making that up, but it doesn't really merit an entire entry).
Colin-
I really don't know what to say, aside from the fact that I'm fairly sure I feel the same way. I say "fairly sure" because my previous experiences have (probably permanently) fucked up my idea of what an ideal relationship is, and I'm only starting to be able to push that away. I'm still not good at "heart-to-hearts" because "heart-to-hearts" before consisted of listening to Guy X yammer on about his shitty childhood. I'm entirely unused to talking to express myself and being unable to sit and think about what I want to say. So here I am, my mom's telling me that the laundry needs to be folded, and I'm going to go do that before I get yelled at.
******
Done. Okay then... where was I? Hm... well, blogging that as opposed to your other options was entirely understandable... it was quarter to one AM so you couldn't call me, and blogging is more detached than email and less uncomfortable for these things, I guess... which would be why I'm typing this here instead of IMing it to you. The point of all this is, I know I feel something more for you than I do for anyone else, and every day I look forward to whatever contact I might have with you that day, however small. These past few months have been the best I've had in some time, and for the first time I actually feel like a senior in high school instead of a God damn hermit. Hanging out with you was probably the only incentive I had to go out and get a job besides my car. I can tolerate going to work because I know that it will enable me to get more money to spend on plates of fries and an Xbox. I actually have some hope now of being closer to normal and/or happy than I ever thought possible. When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I can say something other than "sleep," and that's kind of a big thing for me. I've been able to walk around even on my worst days knowing that there's at least one person on the planet who finds me at least semi-attractive. I look at the retard stoners in my school, but I know that not all men are idiots. It's a strange sort of freedom... not unlike the roller-skating analogy in Microserfs.
I'll end this on that note... see you on Wednesday hopefully ^_^
Colin-
I really don't know what to say, aside from the fact that I'm fairly sure I feel the same way. I say "fairly sure" because my previous experiences have (probably permanently) fucked up my idea of what an ideal relationship is, and I'm only starting to be able to push that away. I'm still not good at "heart-to-hearts" because "heart-to-hearts" before consisted of listening to Guy X yammer on about his shitty childhood. I'm entirely unused to talking to express myself and being unable to sit and think about what I want to say. So here I am, my mom's telling me that the laundry needs to be folded, and I'm going to go do that before I get yelled at.
******
Done. Okay then... where was I? Hm... well, blogging that as opposed to your other options was entirely understandable... it was quarter to one AM so you couldn't call me, and blogging is more detached than email and less uncomfortable for these things, I guess... which would be why I'm typing this here instead of IMing it to you. The point of all this is, I know I feel something more for you than I do for anyone else, and every day I look forward to whatever contact I might have with you that day, however small. These past few months have been the best I've had in some time, and for the first time I actually feel like a senior in high school instead of a God damn hermit. Hanging out with you was probably the only incentive I had to go out and get a job besides my car. I can tolerate going to work because I know that it will enable me to get more money to spend on plates of fries and an Xbox. I actually have some hope now of being closer to normal and/or happy than I ever thought possible. When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I can say something other than "sleep," and that's kind of a big thing for me. I've been able to walk around even on my worst days knowing that there's at least one person on the planet who finds me at least semi-attractive. I look at the retard stoners in my school, but I know that not all men are idiots. It's a strange sort of freedom... not unlike the roller-skating analogy in Microserfs.
I'll end this on that note... see you on Wednesday hopefully ^_^
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