Friday, April 30, 2004

Excellence from the commentary page.

While perusing the commentary page of the Trib today, I happened upon the following article. I was going to just link to it in the Trib's web page, but you have to be a registered member and registering entails giving them your phone number so they can call you at all hours to sell you crap. So, I'm going to bust my hands typing it all out here. Since I don't have anything better to do anyway.

Taxing the stupid a smart idea
By James Sollisch


To raise more money for schools, many states are passing additional sin taxes. Texas Gov. Rick Perry has called for higher taxes on alcohol, gambling and a $5 tax on every patron who enters a topless bar. So someday there might be a library in a Texas school with a plaque that reads, "Funded in part by the zealous efforts of the lap dancers of the Lone Star State."

And I don't see anything wrong with that. Except that there's a limit to how much sin we can all commit, even if our state governments encourage it as a way to raise tax revenue.

In New York, Gov. George Pataki is promoting gambling in an effort to raise $2 billion annually for New York's public schools.

We need to expand the potential revenue stream beyond sin to something our society possesses in even greater supply- stupidity. I propose we tax the stupid things people buy.

Let's start with a tax on camera phones. What could be more stupid than taking pictures with a phone? Just because you can combine two things doesn't mean you should. A waffle iron is a good thing, and so is a Walkman. But a Waffleman just doesn't make sense.

Next on my list is a tax on pet massage therapy. If you're stupid enough to take your cat to a pet spa for the day, I think you should pay a tax that helps us educate students better so there will eventually be fewer adults who believe their pets need a massage. Sort of a self-liquidating tax.

I would also tax bumper stickers. If you can sum up your view of hugely complicates issues like global warming and abortion in three words, you should help fund schools that teach children to think critically. If the bumper sticker happens to be on a Hummer or any other vehicle that doesn't fit in a parking space, then you should be double taxed.

I just read in the paper about a new cosmetic surgery that costs around $15,000. And the results don't even show. This surgery nips years off your vocal cords so your voice sounds younger. A 10 percent tax could raise $1,500 per surgery. This would be a great way to get older people, who don't often vote for school levies, to help out with education.

Taxing stupid purchases is a great idea because it's fundamentally fair. Stupidity is democratic. It knows no race, creed, or religion. It's not an affliction of the wealthy or poor. I might not be rich enough to buy a Hummer but I might be vain enough to buy Hair in a Can. That should cost me.

The other great advantage a stupid tax has over a sin tax is its logical connection to education. We can't educate sin away. It's original equipment on the human being. But if every time you bought a particularly ridiculous item, you were reminded of how stupid it was, you might learn. And if you don't, at least your children will.


Good stuff, Maynard.

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