HORRIBLE TO THE NTH POWER.

I think that the Pope was holding the gates of Hell shut, and when he died they opened and all the demons of annoyance came out and decided to go to McDonald's for breakfast.

Yesterday started with no one telling me that we were supposed to reset our clocks until what I thought was 6:30 AM became 7:30. I had to be at work at 8. So much for breakfast.

The FIRST PEOPLE I took orders for were a bunch of 20something guys who looked stoned off their asses. I asked them what they wanted, and this is what followed:
Guy 1: "I'll have two #3 meals... er, I mean two #10 meals, but no drinks."
Me: "So, two sausage griddles and two hash browns."
Guy 1: "And two medium drinks on the side."
Me: "So you want the meal then?"
Guy 1: "No, no meal. Just the sandwiches and hash browns... [waits for me to reenter the order]... and drinks on the side."
Guy 2: "Huhuhuhuh, fuckin' with her, maaannn, huhuhuhuhuhh..."
Me: [death stare] "Do you want the drinks or not?"
Guy 1: "...."
Guy 2: "He wants the drinks."
[I total up the order- two #10 meals]
Guy 1: "I wanted the two #3 meals, too."

A while later, some Naperville broad with a Prada purse and a bajillion screeching kids running amok in the lobby comes in, makes an order, and changes it about eight times because once again these people can't wrap their minds around the concept that three-year-olds are incapable of making final decisions quickly. I totaled it up and forgot to take off the small orange juice that she said she wanted at first. She FLIPPED SHIT. She's standing up there yelling at me, "What the hell is this? A small orange juice?! I don't want that! This is just wrong!" At this point I turned around and asked Scott to kill her after refunding her juice.

And maybe ten minutes later, some guy comes up with a receipt saying he was charged for two burritos but only got one. The receipt said this:

1 BURRITO $1.20

I turned around, pointed up at the menu (which is RIGHT ABOVE MY FUCKING HEAD, how the hell can people miss this thing?) where it clearly states that one burrito costs $1.20. The genius response? "So... I only got charged for one burrito... and I only got one burrito?" JESUS GOD, YES. GO THE FUCK AWAY.

(Dude... $1.20?! Burritos at Taco Bell down the street are what, 89 cents? I feel like I'm going to hell for working here.)

At least I got off two hours early, because aside from the idiots it was absolutely dead.

And this morning, going back to school, I elected to try a McGriddle thinger. For those of you who are blissfully unaware, a McGriddle has these thick pancake things for buns that allegedly have maple syrup baked into them. I got a sausage griddle.

HOLY BARF BUCKETS, BATMAN. The syrup isn't "baked in," the middle is like a syrup-SOAKED pancake. This thing crossed the line from liquid to colloid (I can't remember the exact definition of that, but I know that ketchup is a colloid and it seems about right). Holy shit, I've never had anything so nasty. I had it about three hours ago, and I'm still sick. I can put away a double quarter-pounder with cheese no problem (those tend to make people puke, like Morgan Spurlock and my boyfriend Colin), but I felt seriously nauseous. It's a good thing I got a large non-fizzy drink, because I went through about half of it in washing the damn thing down.

"Breakfast fusion?" I don't think so.

Another "I don't think so": While I have utmost respect for the Pope in his death, someone wrote a letter to the editor saying something that almost made my head explode:

"He united people of all walks of life" (or something to that effect)

Are you fucking kidding me? He did more than any other human being to restrict the rights of gays and women, fucktard. If it wasn't for him, people would realize that being pro-choice is not "pro-death" or "anti-family" or even "pro-abortion," it means standing for the CHOICE of abortion being available to women who will likely not survive a pregnancy, who will give birth to a child who will die in pain mere hours after being born, who were raped, or who simply can't afford a child and don't want to add another statistic to the adoption foofaraw. Anyone who says "put it up for adoption" needs to take a look at adoption statistics, or take a walk around one of the galleries showing kids up for adoption in America. There are fucking FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS who have never known a mother or father and probably never will, because people only want to adopt babies and the system spits these kids out when they turn 18. "Well, it's not your job to decide what makes a life worth living!" IT'S NOT YOURS EITHER, YOU DUMB CUNT. It's her kid. Let her decide.

And if it weren't for him, more people might have arrived at the conclusion that homosexuals are people too, they just like people of their own sex. "Well, they can change!" No, they can't. Why, can YOU change? If homosexuality became the norm tomorrow, could YOU change? Can you just suddenly start liking a food you hate? No, you can't. Fuck Deuteronomy, anyway. Deuteronomy says you can't wear more than one kind of fabric. (22:11, I think.) Do you wear poly-cotton blends, hon? Well, you don't get to use Deuteronomy. Do you eat pork? Do you play football? Do you live in the same house as your family when you're on your rag (if you're a girl)? Deuteronomy says you can't do any of this.

But you know what the Bible DOES say? The first six verses of Jeremiah 17:

"Judah's sin is engraved with an iron tool,
inscribed with a flint point,
on the tablets of their hearts
and on the horns of their altars.
2 Even their children remember
their altars and Asherah poles (1)
beside the spreading trees
and on the high hills.
3 My mountain in the land
and your wealth and all your treasures
I will give away as plunder,
together with your high places,
because of sin throughout your country.
4 Through your own fault you will lose
the inheritance I gave you.
I will enslave you to your enemies
in a land you do not know,
for you have kindled my anger,
and it will burn forever."

5 This is what the LORD says:

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD .
6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives. (2)

(1) Children were told by their elders about the old life in Africa.

(2) Some African societies actually built houses out of salt because it was so plentiful.

Does this not sound like an endorsement for the enslavement of Africans? Well, what do you make of that? I've been told that this is "ceremonial law and no longer applicable." CEREMONIAL, MY ASS. There's more here about slavery than there is in the whole Bible about homosexuality.

People, remember that the Old Testament was written probably around 2,500 years ago and the laws contained therein apply to those times. Times have changed, and things in the Bible that were relevant 2,500 years ago are no longer relevant today. Pigs probably were unclean back then. And people needed kids to tend the crops and whatnot, and so could not afford to be fiddling around with people of their own gender. There were more important things to do. But now we have a surplus of kids and no crops to attend to, and so we can do these things now.

Christianity and Catholicism are about JESUS, people. Jesus never said a thing about homosexuality. But he did say a lot of stuff condemning divorce. I see a lot of die-hard Christians getting divorces these days. You know what he also said?

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

and

LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE.