God fucking damn.
I'm in college. This is supposed to be fun times. And yet, they suck so bad, I'm more depressed than ever, and so on and so forth.
I still live at home and I work two jobs, yet I barely have enough money for the things I need. I rarely spend money on myself, just for lunch on Tuesdays when I hang out with Matt and co. It's gas that's killing me. Going to Matt's house and back is a quarter tank, plus going back and forth from the train station and work. I've gotten two parking tickets in as many months because the parking system at the train station is retarded as all fuck. I've gotten there at 7:20 am for an 8:12 train only to find no spaces except the ones that aren't "open" until 9 am. I have to park there because it's either park there and get a $15 ticket or park in the mall lot and get towed, which costs like $120. I pay pretty much all of my own expenses, even buying my own goddamn food for at home. The only thing I don't pay is rent (and the $38.25 every 10 train rides for a new 10-pass).
But even though I pay for all my own shit, I don't have any more freedom than my 16-year-old sister. I'm damn near 20 years old and still have a fucking curfew. My car is still under my parents' names. Even if I moved out, I would still be beholden to them through that because I can't afford $1,200 to buy it off of them. There's no way I can move to Chicago to be closer to school and work enough to survive, because there's not enough time in the day to work and do homework. People stay in computer labs until 10 pm to finish animations. There is a strong correlation between the people who work enough to pay their own rent and the people who fail their classes (excluding the older folks who have salaried jobs and their own houses and such). And I KNOW my parents won't help me with jack shit financially once I'm out of the house even if it means my schoolwork will suffer.
God. School. I'm not even sure I want to do animation any more. I'm thinking I'd rather become fluent in one or several other languages and do translation work, or maybe write manuals or something. I love languages and I always wish I'd been able to take more than one language in high school. Don't most people's degrees go to waste anyway?
And I'm having issues in my relationship with my boyfriend.... Shannon's right in that he's acting pretty suspicious. He often says he'll call me back in a bit, and then if he calls me back at all it's three hours later. He never sounds fucked up, but he once stepped out of the room to organize a deal between his friend and a dealer. I know he's done with drugs himself (how bothered he was by the mere presence of pot in the room was enough to convince me of that), but I really don't like that he's still involved like that. Plus he insists on calling me disgustingly "sweet" (in the court of public opinion) and degrading pet names like "baby," "gorgeous," "honeybun," etc etc. He asked me if I liked it and when I said "well, actually, no" his response was "Well, I like to call you 'gorgeous!'" and that was the end of that. Lately he's taken to combining two at a time... "baby-love", "baby-gorgeous." VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT. "You're my baby." Fuck off, I never agreed to be anyone's possession. Last night he was asking me, "Are you afraid of the North Koreans? No? The Russians? The Germans? The Japanese?" and on and on through a list of non-threatening countries. North Korea is a miniscule threat right now, Japan and Germany haven't been a threat for sixty years, Russia for fifty or so if it ever was at all, and when I said no I'm not, his response was "*gasp!* My baby's so brave!" I. DETEST. BEING. PATRONIZED. Fuckin' goddamn. I know he did a lot of drugs during his formative years and never paid much attention in school, but JESUS TAPDANCING MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A POOL TABLE. This is out of fucking hand. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.
And to answer a few questions that some people have about me:
Why don't you smoke pot?
Oh, indeed, why don't I? Could it be that I'm too old to sit on a couch and giggle like a dumbass? I fucking hate the whole culture surrounding this drug. I hate tie-dye, I hate the Grateful Dead, I hate those fuckwits who write 420 on every goddamn thing they own like they're such fuckin' rebels, I hate dreads on white people, I hate Phish, I hate my ex, I hate hemp chokers, I hate people who make bongs out of everything, I hate Cheech & Chong, fuck I even hate the smell of pot itself, I FUCKING HATE STONER CULTURE and I want no fucking part of it. Honestly, I don't know why this even needs to be explained.
Why aren't you interested in sex?
Because I'm not. It holds no interest for me. Period. It's too much to worry about (STDs and babies and generic dumbassery of the other person(s) involved), and there's about eight million more interesting ways to get off. All of you who think interest in sex is indicative of one's worth as a person can fuck off.
Why do you still live at home?
Because I'm fucking poor, you sack of shit. If I had the money, I'd be long gone. But I don't, so I'm not. Until I find a decent-paying job or my parents agree to give me a hand with rent, my ass is stuck. It's not like I like it or anything, so piss off.
I still live at home and I work two jobs, yet I barely have enough money for the things I need. I rarely spend money on myself, just for lunch on Tuesdays when I hang out with Matt and co. It's gas that's killing me. Going to Matt's house and back is a quarter tank, plus going back and forth from the train station and work. I've gotten two parking tickets in as many months because the parking system at the train station is retarded as all fuck. I've gotten there at 7:20 am for an 8:12 train only to find no spaces except the ones that aren't "open" until 9 am. I have to park there because it's either park there and get a $15 ticket or park in the mall lot and get towed, which costs like $120. I pay pretty much all of my own expenses, even buying my own goddamn food for at home. The only thing I don't pay is rent (and the $38.25 every 10 train rides for a new 10-pass).
But even though I pay for all my own shit, I don't have any more freedom than my 16-year-old sister. I'm damn near 20 years old and still have a fucking curfew. My car is still under my parents' names. Even if I moved out, I would still be beholden to them through that because I can't afford $1,200 to buy it off of them. There's no way I can move to Chicago to be closer to school and work enough to survive, because there's not enough time in the day to work and do homework. People stay in computer labs until 10 pm to finish animations. There is a strong correlation between the people who work enough to pay their own rent and the people who fail their classes (excluding the older folks who have salaried jobs and their own houses and such). And I KNOW my parents won't help me with jack shit financially once I'm out of the house even if it means my schoolwork will suffer.
God. School. I'm not even sure I want to do animation any more. I'm thinking I'd rather become fluent in one or several other languages and do translation work, or maybe write manuals or something. I love languages and I always wish I'd been able to take more than one language in high school. Don't most people's degrees go to waste anyway?
And I'm having issues in my relationship with my boyfriend.... Shannon's right in that he's acting pretty suspicious. He often says he'll call me back in a bit, and then if he calls me back at all it's three hours later. He never sounds fucked up, but he once stepped out of the room to organize a deal between his friend and a dealer. I know he's done with drugs himself (how bothered he was by the mere presence of pot in the room was enough to convince me of that), but I really don't like that he's still involved like that. Plus he insists on calling me disgustingly "sweet" (in the court of public opinion) and degrading pet names like "baby," "gorgeous," "honeybun," etc etc. He asked me if I liked it and when I said "well, actually, no" his response was "Well, I like to call you 'gorgeous!'" and that was the end of that. Lately he's taken to combining two at a time... "baby-love", "baby-gorgeous." VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT. "You're my baby." Fuck off, I never agreed to be anyone's possession. Last night he was asking me, "Are you afraid of the North Koreans? No? The Russians? The Germans? The Japanese?" and on and on through a list of non-threatening countries. North Korea is a miniscule threat right now, Japan and Germany haven't been a threat for sixty years, Russia for fifty or so if it ever was at all, and when I said no I'm not, his response was "*gasp!* My baby's so brave!" I. DETEST. BEING. PATRONIZED. Fuckin' goddamn. I know he did a lot of drugs during his formative years and never paid much attention in school, but JESUS TAPDANCING MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A POOL TABLE. This is out of fucking hand. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.
And to answer a few questions that some people have about me:
Why don't you smoke pot?
Oh, indeed, why don't I? Could it be that I'm too old to sit on a couch and giggle like a dumbass? I fucking hate the whole culture surrounding this drug. I hate tie-dye, I hate the Grateful Dead, I hate those fuckwits who write 420 on every goddamn thing they own like they're such fuckin' rebels, I hate dreads on white people, I hate Phish, I hate my ex, I hate hemp chokers, I hate people who make bongs out of everything, I hate Cheech & Chong, fuck I even hate the smell of pot itself, I FUCKING HATE STONER CULTURE and I want no fucking part of it. Honestly, I don't know why this even needs to be explained.
Why aren't you interested in sex?
Because I'm not. It holds no interest for me. Period. It's too much to worry about (STDs and babies and generic dumbassery of the other person(s) involved), and there's about eight million more interesting ways to get off. All of you who think interest in sex is indicative of one's worth as a person can fuck off.
Why do you still live at home?
Because I'm fucking poor, you sack of shit. If I had the money, I'd be long gone. But I don't, so I'm not. Until I find a decent-paying job or my parents agree to give me a hand with rent, my ass is stuck. It's not like I like it or anything, so piss off.
