Attention all men:

Acting "sexy" a-la The Ladies' Man or Austin Powers DOES NOT WORK. I cannot stress this enough. A friend of mine went to a guy's house to get back some poems she'd written and loaned to him for feedback purposes, and the guy answered the door with all the lights out and his shirt half unbuttoned. He then proceeded to read her her OWN WRITING in this so-called "sexy" voice... and it was a story about a guy who died playing Russian roulette. Meanwhile, she's trying to escape this guy's clutches (he was half sitting in her lap) and making her discomfort quite obvious in the process. He just kept on going until his dad walked in on them. I wish I was there to see it; apparently the ensuing scene was pretty funny.

In conclusion.... men, don't act all debonair and bedroom-y with a girl you want to fuck. Because you won't get to fuck her. Ever. Not legally, anyway. If you want to get in a girl's pants, just act natural and learn to take "no" for an answer. Honestly. This isn't difficult.

Down with all dumb people.

That's it, I'm changing my blog title to that. I'm sick of the dumbitude rampant in this school. I hate the kid who sits behind me in Philosophy and kicks my chair all period and laughs his ass off at nothing because he's a retard stoner. I hate Cheryl and her groupies. I hate the airhead cheerleader douche who said "OHMIGAWD, that's so sick!" when I fucking pwned her ass in the sit-and-reach fitness test in gym today. PWN3D. There's 20 inches for you to suck on, bitch. I hate the Douche Duo that sits behind me and yaps on all period in Anatomy about how they learned all this in psychology. Well then, what the shit are you doing here? With every new line of notes, it's "I know this. I'm not writing this down. We learned this in psychology." If you know all this shit, why do you fail every test? Riddle me that, Batman. The dumb douche on the left has to say something after every bit of notes... "Uh-huh." "Fantastic." "Yeah, interesting." "Riiiiiight." Her and her jizzbreath friend are always blathering on about AP English notes and they never shut the hell up. And one of them had the balls yesterday to tell someone ELSE to shut up. Apparently they were interrupting their conversation.... DURING THE DAMN TEST. Are these peoples' vital functions kinetically powered by their mouths? It's a good thing the airhead cheerleader whores in Spanish all dropped the class, because otherwise I'd be in the nuthouse by now. All I need is some peace and quietude, and the world is damned if I'll ever get it. And people wonder why I like to sit in my room and space out. Where else can I get some peace? I'm in the frickin LIBRARY now, and it's probably louder in here than it is in the lunchroom. Half the library is full of fuckin' wiggers talking about cars. I hate people who talk about cars. It's a fuckin' car. It goes places fast, it plays music, and it pollutes the atmosphere, but it won't get you laid and it won't get you anywhere in life other than were you need to be in the physical sense. Now shut the hell up and take the goddamn trumpet tailpipe off your Civic before I shove it up your ass.

There should be separate classes for people who want to learn in peace, and for people who just want to screw off all day. Shit, those of us in the learning classes might graduate early if we don't have to deal with slacker fucks all the time, and maybe the said slackers would find out that they aren't going anywhere by the third time they fail freshman year. God I hate junkies. I can't believe how many of them I've dated. Sick. Selfish assholes. I hate them all. I hate airheads, I hate junkies, I hate slackers, I hate wiggers, and I hate you. Get the fuck out of my blog.

Down with dumb broads.

I'm sick of the airhead ho-bags in my jewelry class. They're late every day, yammer on while the teacher's attempting to give instructions to those of us who actually want to learn a thing or two, and when the teacher asks them to be quiet they just laugh. Show some respect, you smelly potheads, she has to deal with wastes like you all damn day. The least you can do is be less of a douche. It's two or three ugly girls, one smelly hippie with macrame chokers that remind me of tribeswomen with those copper coils, and a tiny little emo boy who I seriously thought was a girl the first time I saw him. I could snap this guy in half like a carrot. And one of the girls, the one who never ever shuts the hell up and then asks everybody what to do as if the teacher didn't just explain it three times, is really feckin' ugly. I just thought I'd mention that again. She burns my corneas. She looks like Avril Lavigne twenty years down the line after spending time in the crack-whore industry. She always wears hoodies that smell like bad weed. She smells like bad weed. Her makeup's bad and her hair's greasy and she's a mouth-breather. Her mouth's probably stuck open from sucking too much dick. She's a skinny bony ugly whore and I hope she gets AIDS and dies.

And that brings me to another dumb broad, one whose name I actually know..... Cheryl. I have to put up with this waste of carbon every damn day in painting, and sometimes she invades jewelry and makes it even worse. The other day she was blatting on about how she liked fishnets in 4th grade and now everyone likes them and everyone's always copying her. She's changed her haircut about five or six times this year because she's convinced that everyone's copying her hairdo, when in reality there is no one in the school with the same god-awful butcher's cut as her. I hope she shaves her damn head already, she's been saying she's going to do that since freshman year if not longer, because no one would notice and she'd finally realize that no one gives a flying crap on a stick about her damn hair. She's ugly too. There are a lot of ugly people infesting this goddamn planet. She has a big nose and a big chin... she looks kind of like a less-feminine Marilyn Manson. She's obsessed with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac to the point of idiocy, and acts like she's such a hardcore gawf-chik because she carts it around all damn day and shoves it in everyone's face. Once at Denny's, someone made a passing comment on JTHM, and she didn't shut the hell up for fifteen minutes about how she's getting Happy Noodle Boy tattooed on her flabby white ass and how she's getting JTHM vanity plates for her car and how Johnny is so cool and anyone who doesn't know what JTHM stands for should go to hell... she needs to be shot. Or at least made to gargle Hannah Beebe's douche. Or be made to listen to ACTUAL goth music, as opposed to Marilyn Manson and other such non-gothness. Her dad needs to grow a set and pound his little shit into submission, because if he would just take a baseball bat and work her over she'd be much easier to tolerate. She needs to be sterilized before she gets knocked up again. The last thing we need is another stupid little fuckhead junkie running around, sending America to hell wrapped in rolling papers and fishnets.

A mouth fulla stitches and a gut fulla Vicodin.

I had my wisdom teeth out on Thursday, and I really have to wonder about dentists these days... apparently, the state of Illinois doesn't allow dentists to put people under anymore. I had to remain awake and listen to teeth cracking with only nitrous and Novocaine to help me through. The meds they gave me (Vicodin and something else) didn't help either.... meaning that they didn't help the pain and they didn't get me smashed. I could have driven. What a waste. At least the parentals got to meet Colin on Saturday and we were able to go to Colleen and Cin's apartment so I could be ceremonially gangbanged at Halo. I never realized that it was possible to suck so badly at a video game. Shit. And I don't have an Xbox, so I can't practice or anything. And me and Colin can hardly hang out this week... he has finals and the one day he has no classes is St. Paddy's, which means he has to go to Colleen and Cin's to play drunken Halo. I can't hang out with him Thursday to nurse him through the ensuing hangover because I'm getting my stitches out. I wonder why I bother to leave the house.

Man, I need a job.

Teeth suck.

I have to get my wisdom teeth out today... at least I get out of school early and I get to be legally drunk the rest of the night afterwards. Blah. What with my sister's braces, my fillings, and my mom's crowns and shit, the dentist could survive off of our business alone. I have no idea why I'm blogging this.

Someone went out the emergency exit here in the library, and now we're all going to go deaf from the alarm. Feckin' morons. The guys at the computer across the table are bitching about cars. They're annoying as shit and won't shut up. I hate people.

Comic Book Guy says: "Worst blog ever!"

YESSS!!!

I forgot- Our evil dumbass VB student teacher is done, the normal teacher was back in action, and spent the period cleaning up the student teacher's shit. No one knew what the hell was going on until the regular teacher cleared everything up, and we couldn't believe how EASY this shit was. We'd been slamming our heads on the keyboards for two months trying to figure out something that was explained in about thirty seconds. God damn. I hate student teachers. But at least VB is fun again X3

Feckin' parents.

Well, Mom ended up not meeting Colin last night. She went to get her hair cut at 2:30, and came back around 6. She wasn't even supposed to be driving because of the pain meds they put her on (good ol' Vicodin, no less), so we were about ready to call the cops and ask them to look for her car in a ditch somewhere. She walks in like nothing ever happened... apparently she went out with Evette and never thought to call and tell us. Gee, thanks. She let me go out to Denny's and see Colin after guilt-tripping me for 15 minutes...

"I'm just so scared that maybe you'll get into a situation you can't handle and you'll make a bad decision (1)! I'm just sooooo scaaaaared *sob sob* (2)! I feel like I've made your life miserable (3)!"

(1) Maybe I couldn't handle being offered a hit when I was fucking EIGHT, but saying "no thanks" is not that hard. You don't know how useless DARE is until you see my mom... the poster DARE graduate. In her mind, anyone who smokes up once in a while is hell-bent on getting everyone else high and lives in a box under the overpass. No bitch, they're normal people, and if you decline their offer they're far more likely to say "Good, more for me." Unless they're standing on a corner with coat pockets full of coke, they really don't give a shit whether you want a hit or not. If anyone wants to share their pot with you, that's a frkn' compliment, but again, it's not that hard to turn down the offer when it's coming from someone who's sitting under the table with lettuce on his head. You say no, they say okay, you both move on. I get into situations she couldn't handle EVERY DAY. She can't handle it if we decide to go to Denny's at 7 instead of 8. "Your plans keep changing! I'm in the dark here! I don't know what's going on!"
(2) No shit, Sherlock. You've been scared for my entire life. And have any of your little nightmares ever come true? NO. Have they even come CLOSE to coming true? NO. Two words, bitch: PATTERN RECOGNITION.
(3) Well, you have, what are you going to do about it? And even if I told you that you have, you wouldn't actually change your ways or anything. God forbid you should actually be WRONG and CHANGE once in a while.

It's a good thing Colin's good with parents, because if he wasn't, things between me and him probably wouldn't have lasted even this long (5 days). He tells me to at least be grateful that they care what I do, but I've known since middle school that if they didn't give a rat's ass about me either way, I'd be a hell of a lot happier. My mom has been putting her own worries ahead of my happiness for almost eighteen goddamn years, and I am fucking FED UP. "I don't want you going to Denny's just to 'hang out.'" Well shit, what the hell is Denny's for, then? You go there and hang out with your friends over coffee and shitty fries. After 10pm, the smaller smoking section (the "ultra" section) is like a club: you pretty much have to know someone to sit in there, and everyone in there is a regular and knows all the servers and everyone else in the section. When you're on a first-name basis with the manager and he knows you by voice alone, that's whan you KNOW you're welcome there and they want your business... stick THAT in your McDonald's pipe and smoke it. You can sit there all night as long as you keep eating, and watch people come and go, and get to know anyone you don't know already. Half the people there already knew me because of Colin, and I'd never seen these people before. "Oohh, you must be Jenna! You and Colin are sooo cuuute.... I'm gonna go throw up. Cut it out."

In conclusion.... I can't move out soon enough.

Hooboy. Here goes nothing.

Today is possibly the day that Mom meets Colin... not that I really have anything to worry about, I just hope everything works out okay. I want to be able to see him whenever as soon as possible, since as of now the two of us can't go out without Shannon and Fuzzy chaperoning (HAH!). I was talking to him on the phone last night, and the only thing going through my head was "Okay.... this is too good... what's the catch?" I'm probably getting too emotionally invested in this too fast... and Mom and Dad aren't helping. They're making it overly difficult for me and Colin to ever hang out.... I have to be home by 10PM on school nights, 11 on weekends. I think I'm the last one of my friends who still has a curfew, let alone one that damn early. "It's a school night." I don't go to sleep until midnight at the earliest; how is making me be home by 10 going to prevent my oversleeping? If I stay out late, I might even be TIRED for once, and fall asleep easier. My entire life has been people leaving me because my parents never let me do anything, and my parents are blithely oblivious to this (either that, or they just don't give a shit). Somehow, me staying in my room playing the Sims is healthier than sitting online talking to people on MSN or going to Denny's and having some degree of human contact. God damn, I wish I could move out for college. If I could, I might have a shot at being normal for once.

STUDENT TEACHERS = NO.

I was getting a 95% in Visual Basic before this assclown of a student teacher showed up. He gives us a total of maybe 30 minutes to code a program that he hasn't told us how to do, and when you ask him to explain something that he should have told you in the first place, he starts rambling on about something completely irrelevant and expects you to understand. I asked him what a particular user-defined data type was supposed to do, and he started yammering on about shoe sizes and explaining everything EXCEPT what I didn't understand. If I have a problem in the code and can't find it and I ask him to look at it, he toggles through the code a few times and says ".... It should work." Well, it isn't working, asshole, and you're supposed to be able to tell me why it isn't working, or at least give me a fucking hint. I don't CARE if you were in the military. I don't CARE if you know COBOL. This is Visual Basic, and you don't know jack shit about it, apparently. When our real teacher was in the room watching this clown attempt to teach, he had to correct him every ten minutes and then had to go around the room doing damage control while everyone stared at the notes in complete confusion. He starts on one concept, abandons it halfway through, erases it off the board, and starts something else. He tells us how to code a function or how some algorithm works, but he never tells us WHY it works or what each line of code does. The last concept I understand from the class is If/Then/Else and selection structures, and that was in fucking November. We're supposed to be doing class modules now, with properties and objects and Let/Get/Set, and I don't even know what the hell is going on. I don't know the difference between Let, Get, and Set, except that when you use the wrong one your program doesn't work. I don't get the point of Euclid's Algorithm (which we did TODAY), and I don't get how to code it because he wrote half the code on the board (incorrectly), then apparently got bored with that, erased it and moved on to something else. There are kids who ditch the class, and they're doing BETTER than the rest of the class because they get the kids in AP Computer Science (Java) to help them during lunch. Half the time I don't even bother with the programs, I just dick around on Finale Notepad, because I could have my hand up the entire period and he'd never notice, and I can't do anything else with the goddamn module until he tells me what the hell "out of stack space" means and how I can fix it. And I'll bet that's something really easy, that you programmers out there are probably facepalming as you read this, but HE NEVER TOLD US WHAT IT MEANS and MSDN is no help. Damn Microsoft. If I knew more about computers I'd be rocking Linux by now. I wish we could all be cavemen and go back to MSDOS and Windows 3.1. I could use that when I was FIVE. My first computer-related memory is of my dad telling me "Windows is not a GAME, it is an OPERATING SYSTEM. And MS Paint isn't a game either, it's a GRAPHICS APPLICATION." My dad looked at my grades and was surprised I wasn't doing better in VB, but then again this guy wrote his first program on PUNCH CARDS which I'd probably have better luck with than VB taught by a student teacher.

And that's not the only student teacher I've got.... I've got one in Anatomy, too. His handwriting is illegible, and what notes he does write on the board are all over the place. In a class like Anatomy (that is, consisting of rote memorization of cold, hard facts and long-ass Latin names), EVERYTHING GOES ON THE BOARD OR WE WILL NOT REMEMBER IT. Where our usual teacher (who FUCKING RULES) would write "Men have 5-6 million erythrocytes per mL of whole blood", the student teacher will write "5m/mL eryth in men." Except you wouldn't be able to read it. The funny thing is, this guy is planning on being a PHYSICS teacher. There are several physics classes in the school. What the purple fuck is he doing teaching ANATOMY? Jesus. And people wonder why kids are stupid.

I fear the day these two enter the teaching workforce. I do. At least there's a chance they'll go nuts and quit after their first year. We did that to a home ec teacher in 7th grade... she had a nervous breakdown and left after a month and a half or so. It was great.