Losing faith in humanity, one trainee at a time

Owing to massive, ridiculous turnover in the store, we now have a massive ridiculous number of new hires working. At any given time, MAYBE two people on the floor have any idea what they're doing. Usually only one. Sometimes none. Hell, we don't even have enough shift supervisors to have one on the floor at all times.

So this means that in addition to whatever it is I'm already doing (which today was taking drive orders, getting brewed coffee for drive, and all fraps and iced teas), I've gotta handle babysitting the new kids and sometimes you'd think this shit was rocket science.

One trainee, to whom I shall henceforth refer as Old Broad because that's what she is, has as of yesterday not made an INCH of progress on cold bar since the last time I worked with her on it, TWO WEEKS AGO. This is something most people have down in a couple days, and she still needs me to hold her hand to make a goddamn caramel frappuccino.

Me: Okay, so it gets coffee frap base to the first line on the blender there...
OB: *grabs creme base*
Me: .... no, coffee base, with the brown lid...
OB: *grabs coffee base, proceeds to pour it as if it were high-molar acid and I had a gun to her head, all the while looking to me for approval like a kicked puppy* Now what?
Me: *thinking "oh god you have got to be kidding me"* It gets one pump of caramel syrup.
OB: *takes forgoddamnever to read all the syrup labels, her hand quivering like Ozzy Osbourne's* *pumps mocha into blender*
Me: ..... that's mocha.

Wash, rinse and repeat. Dear my SM, stop hiring middle-aged spinsters, they invariably quit before they even finish their training anyway. I know they love the Jesus just as much as you do, but really, they're fucking useless.

Also: Why does anybody need to be told to A) fill the dome lid space with whipped cream and B) not use nasty liquidy dead whipped cream? Seriously.

We've got another new kid that I'll call Wunderkind because everyone just LOVES this kid. "He's learning so fast! He's going to be AWESOME!" Wunderkind worked DT register today.

Wunderkind:
1. Forgot to give FOUR people their change in HIS FIRST HOUR
2. Somehow managed to get his tickets completely out of order on his register. You pretty much have to TRY to do this. I still don't know how he managed to not only get them out of order in the first place, but KEEP them there for almost the duration of his shift.
3. Generally annoyed the living piss out of me

Don't get me wrong, he's an okay guy and I'm glad he out of all the new kids is coming with me to the new store (SUNDAY IS MY LAST DAY AT THIS STORE YES YES), but HOLY. BALLS.

I know I'm probably coming off as a horrid bitch, but I'm not mean to them or anything and I'm all smiles in person, but SERIOUSLY. I cannot stress this enough: This is not fucking rocket science. I swear to pizza it is not all that difficult. Especially not cold bar, where there is a poster conveniently located for your convenience that TELLS YOU HOW TO MAKE EVERY FUCKING DRINK.

This is really my main concern with becoming a shift. At this point, there is no way in hell I have the patience to train people. Because people are too goddamned stupid.

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Yep, I'm finally transferring stores! There's a new store opening up that's not really any closer, but it'll be helmed by someone who's been with the company for years and generally seems pretty cool. Frankly, I'd be happy with anyone who had half a clue what they were doing, personality be damned.

Going with me will be my favoritest shift and Wunderkind so far, and two others have expressed interest in going but haven't hit six months yet. And even if they had, if they did go that would leave this store without enough people to even run. Have I mentioned how high the turnover is? These are my other two favorite people in the store, and I hope to hell they can eventually make it over.

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I had my 6 month performance review not too long ago. About two months late.

The basic jist of it was as follows: "Hano, you are a standards nazi and do everything right, but you do not participate in the in-house rumor mill to our satisfaction and refuse to kiss Shift J's flabby ass and we will call this 'needs to increase rapport with fellow partners,' so here's a 1.85 which we will round up to a 2 so we can push you off on the other store and get rid of your ass. Bitch."

:D Thanks, you jackass excuse for an SM, I love you too. Thanks for giving me the best shift to take with me! Enjoy that ridiculous turnover due to Shift J's dramamongering and cuntery in conjunction with your blistering, seething incompetence.

Children of the Damned Day at the Brain Institute

Today:

1. A customer ordered an iced venti no-water Americano and a venti caramel macchiato. My SM rang it in as a venti Americano and a venti caramel mocha. And since we're a label store and I couldn't hear the man order (I always wear a DT headset), I had to remake both drinks. ><

2. I had to stop my store manager from making a Cafe Vanilla frap with vanilla syrup. It gets vanilla powder, which is conveniently located at the frap bar. To get to the vanilla syrup (which is not used in ANY frappuccino), you have to go out of your way to the espresso bar. This is not even the first time I've had to stop him from doing this. The first time was back in November, when someone ordered a Cafe Vanilla and my SM proceeded to completely ignore the CAFVN button on the register and ring them in for a plain coffee frappuccino, add vanilla syrup. This tastes different and is also completely fucking wrong, and he did not believe me until I pointed out the correct recipe to him on the recipe poster by the frap bar AND in the Beverage Resource Manual. And he STILL does it. "Oh, I always forget that!" How in the hell do you get it in your head like that in the first damn place?

3. I had to remind my store manager of the existence of Coffee Light frap base. What makes this interesting is this: the guy ordered a Cinnamon Dolce "nonfat" frap, so I start to make a cinnamon dolce light. I hear SM say "Well, we have nonfat CREME base, but not coffee base." I keep on making it and holler "WE HAVE COFFEE LIGHT BASE!"

4. The woman at drivethru needed a tall vanilla bean frappuccino. SM proceeded to pick up the grande cinnamon dolce light frappuccino, call it to her as a tall vanilla bean (despite the label on the cup clearly saying cinnamon dolce), and hand it to her.

My SM mistook something grande size, brown and whipless for something tall size, white, and with whip.

Welcome to my Starbucks.

also, shoutout to IFM , who is finally updating his own goddamn blog as I type this.